“I’m going to slap the next person that says ‘God never gives you more than you can handle.’ At the rate He’s going, I’ll be able to bench press a Buick.”
There was a time in my life that I often said – actually regularly said – the quote above. People mean well, including friends, family, & mere acquaintances, and often they just don’t know what to say. So they say things that often resonate like fingernails across a chalkboard. This phrase was one of those things to me. And it started in 2010.
I firmly believed that 2010 was the beginning of the end for me. It seemed like a sad and unexplained turn of events would take all of my mental health, and perhaps my physical health as well. It started in March when I lost my precious dog, Peaches, who had been my constant sidekick and best friend for 15 years. Her health declined for months, and I prayed that she would just go to sleep one night and I wouldn’t have to make “the decision.” But that was not to be the case, and on March 30, 2010, I decided she had suffered enough. But that was the beginning of the suffering for me. I cried until I felt like I had no more tears, and I woke up screaming, looking for her. Because I couldn’t bear her not being with me in my current condominium, I bought a house and moved in June. I thought this would “fix” everything, and it helped, but nothing was ever fixed.
Later in 2010, my sister and niece were in a bad automobile accident. It is nothing short of a miracle they survived, as the gas tank ruptured in the vehicle but my sister was able to steer the car off the road and out of the way of further oncoming traffic. The car was leaking gas the entire way. One spark would have ignited a fireball of grave consequences. They were fortunate to only suffer bumps and bruises, and the young man who hit them was charged with reckless driving. Being from a small town, we all knew the young man’s family, and that became a source of conflict. When you’re older and single, like me, siblings & their children have an even more special place in your heart, and that is the case for me with Joleen and Savannah. But the “weight” God seemed to be adding to me continued to increase.
The night of the 2010 midterm elections was a rough night for us Democrats. As I was disgustedly going upstairs to bed, my telephone rang. It was my best friend, Talmadge, who shared with me that the doctor had seen something suspicious on a recent kidney x-ray and he was going to have to have some extensive tests to determine what was happening. His test on November 11 showed a tumor on his kidney, and on December 1, his kidney was removed. That was literally the beginning of the end for my dear friend, who had been my “chosen big brother” since I was a teenager. Talmadge was an only child, and his parents were in their late 80’s, so 2 other friends and I were his “chosen family” and took care of him until he died on May 12, 2011. It was an incredibly emotional roller coaster ride, and one that took a seemingly irreversible toll on me in many different ways. And I remember as I stood by his casket in the visitation receiving line telling one of my other “chosen family” that “the next person that tells me that God never gives you more than you can hand, I am going to slap into the middle of next week.” I could barely take anymore.
The remainder of 2011 wasn’t too peachy either. I lost a dear friend in June, the patriarch of a family that is very special in my life. In November, one of the teachers at my school didn’t report to work as usual, and when we contacted her family, they discovered that she had died of a heart attack as she was getting ready for work. In June of 2012, I was suddenly demoted from my position of assistant principal at the school I loved, forced go go back to a classroom teacher, which took a monetary toll on me as well as a health toll. Bench pressing a Buick seemed to be right around the corner.
The purpose of expressing these thoughts, however, isn’t to revisit all the drama and woes of my life, but to explain how my outlook on “bench pressing a Buick” has evolved over the years. There have been challenges – drug addiction, a trip to rehab, 2 heart attacks, blood clots in my lungs, normal aging, family drama, the sagas of being a middle-aged gay man – but through it all, God has provided. When He’s given me more than I could handle, He’s given me people and tools to carry me through. He’s given me an NA sponsor who gets me and helps me stay clean. He’s provided a Christian counselor/therapist who keeps me focused and puts mental health in perspective, keeping my toolbox full of strategies to get through. He’s provided me a former colleague who became a great friend and always knows exactly what to say at the perfect moment I need to hear it. God knew I needed a pastor and He pointed me in the direction to find one, and he quickly became not only a pastor but a cherished friend. He provided a group of men, mostly much younger than me, at my stint in drug rehab that kept me going and got me through the days. He’s given me a wonderful family. He’s given me friends that are “chosen family.” He’s given me strength to continue working to provide for my needs. It took 3 years after I lost my beloved Peaches, but he gave me Gunther – a wonderful dog that has become my companion and best buddy. He’s given me a toolkit that will last through eternity. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
So now my response to “the question” is…..
“Does God give me more than I can handle? All the time. But, thankfully, He gives me the people and tools to help me bench press that Buick.”
Sidney A. (Sid) Neighbours
October 12, 2018
NeeNee says...... 